sine wave~~~~~~~

my day today was a wondrous example of a perfect sine wave.
it surely wasn't blended, because my emotions were @ their peak, all the time. good, bad or ugly....
the started off @ a good note. i drove to work with my buddy from college days. wonderful chappie. in fact he is my lonely weekend dinner partner. we also play tennis and squash together @ the club. he was being interviewed @ my organization today. undoubtedly, he cleared all the rounds and was offered the job. i am more than happy for him today. the icing on the cake is that he gets a good package. ahhhhh... anything better than mine, is defined good.
this could never piss me off, but something was killing me from within. there is something in the air that aint fair to me. the last 3 months have been traumatic. there have been times when i have felt that i might plunge into depression. then immediately i tell myself... "you must be kidding dude... depression and me. no way!!!"

I DO NOT BLAME ANYBODY FOR MY CURRENT STATE.
i screwed up. so it's me who has to unscrew... only if wishes were..........

money is not what i crave for. it is just the damned figure. it's like my report card. i don't stack up the greens anyways. all that i spend on is food, clothes and lil bit fun. no coke, no grass, no # and not even alcohol... it's been ages i've touched any of this.
but i still need more. i have been called "greedy"... i hate this word as much as i hate the word looser . the mixed reaction was a bit funny. i was happy and pissed at the same time. so i kind of gave "the recruiter" slack and a good bit of my sarcasm. i had to went it out. she is definitely a friend here. poor thing. she called instantaneously. explained the policies(i can go on and on) of the company. she even told me that she was done with her part and it would make no difference to her anyways. and then it was about how i would end up screwing my profile. and then she finally says...
i have a feeling that she would give up explaining things to me someday. the only point i try to drive home is that something aint fair. i feel that she knows that something is definitely not fine.
but thanks for all the valiant efforts put in. i'll register you in my good book.

but now i feel good!!!
the feeling is all gone.
today i held my niece. and it was the First time. special as it can be. she's turned a month old today. she flew down to delhi with her mother. i couldn't see her when she was born. i had financial hang-ups. couldn't buy myself a return trip to bangalore. not that i can now!!!

so i escaped work exactly @4pm today. reached home by 5. felt like screaming "look who's home!!!"
but then she doesn't really know who the cool dude really is... shes definitely heard a lot about me. but still...
the first touch was fantabulous. out of this world. no words explain the feelings. i was speechless. the best thing that could happen. i gained the courage to hold her. one hand on her bum and the other held the back of her head high shouted my mom. i tried to sway her left and right like they do in the movies. was i good??? she just fell asleep. :)
so she basically likes me more than any of the guys around in my house. i knew that this bond would come up. sooner the better. the best part was when i tried to touch her palm. she instantaneously clasped my little finger. i could feel her say "take me out for a ride!!!". i smothered a smile while shooing away the single tear that trickled down my eye.

i forgive everyone. i forgive myself.
i still need more money... to buy her a doll...